Reflecting

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It seems it is possible to reach the point of no return; I am sitting right on it and even if I wished to wipe out all that has shaped me into being who I now am, it would be impossible.

I have gone too far, have asked too many questions whose answers revealed too much about who I really am, and now I must live with the consequences, live with the knowledge that all pain and frustration I still encounter is because I still hold on to drama and that drama is my own creation and ceases to exist the moment I release it.

From here on there is nothing else to do but breath; the search is over, there is no separation between God and I, there is no duality, there is nothing to solve, and all that remains – if I so choose – is to release my thoughts and ideas as soon as they appear on the surface and breathe in the ever expanding vastness of who I Am.

There is nothing spectacular about this experience, nothing pompous, nothing victorious, and the only emotion that accompanies it is the sweet melancholy of saying goodbye to my ancient old ideas of Life being limited. But other than that the experience is completely peaceful and strangely familiar and its freedom is utterly simple. In fact it is so simple that I hardly dare writing about it as within me there still is a voice outraged at my boldness to look Life this straight in the eye.

But that too is only drama and I can – if I so choose – also let go of this idea that I am less than who I Am. I Am no more and no less than Life itself and Life is all that there is, all included. It contains all my ideas, all my experiences, all my beliefs and also my ability to merge with all that there is. It is neither a myth, nor is it reserved for a few chosen ones to experience the limitlessness of their being; it is for all who choose it and it can be realised.

The great mystic, Meister Eckhart said, When I stood in my first cause, I ‘then had no ‘God,’ and then I was my own cause. I wanted nothing, I longed for nothing, for I was empty Being and the only truth in which I rejoiced was in the knowledge of my Self. Then it was my Self I wanted and nothing else. What I wanted I was, and what I was I wanted and so I stood empty of God and every thing.

Each time I read this whilst allowing myself to go beyond my mind, beyond my ideas, beyond the past and future, yes even beyond my dreams and desires, needs and wants, something within me expands beyond my apprehension and I am filled with the indescribable.

Thus, talking about it, explaining it to others or to myself can never fully reveal the experience, and yet I do try and phrase it in words and that too is all right. It is all part of the experience and the experience is never right or wrong, it simply is what it is in each present instant… a Now which always and without end is itself new. 

No, I can not yet fly and no I can not transform dust into gold or manifest instantly, but I do feel lighter, bolder, larger, and more capable to handle the difficulties of life because I have found a way to release my pain and frustration via my breath.

Detachment is next on my self-created agenda and now that I have experienced how freeing it is to let go of one idea after the other I no longer fear detachment so much. I no longer belief that if I let go of my need to have Life appear as I wish for It to be, my life will become empty and dull and meaningless, for the contrary is the case; the more I let go, the more I receive. But that gain is an implication, a by-product of granting what is complete existence without judging it or wishing it were something else.

My idea of enlightenment has changed. It no longer is an idea of an airy-fairy existence; it is living midst in Life without being attached to any thing that Life reveals. In short, enlightenment is something very normal, almost absurdidly so, for it is realising that I Am that which I have always sought for.

Advertisement