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Since a few weeks I have been deeply contemplating upon reality and what is truly real and what not in my experience. I’ve been experimenting with things such as refusing to believe that a reoccurring pain in my back is real and to my amazement the pain vanished completely upon focusing with all my might upon my perfect heath and well being. “It is perfect” has been a phrase I often have used during my daily tasks when confronted with difficulties or so called problems, and somehow I occasionally find myself in a space of complete harmony where things seem to solve themselves on their own.
It is clear to me that the only thing which hinders me in remaining in this space continuously, is my resistance of believing and knowing that things are absolutely perfect just as they are, for when I accept that, they become it.
An incident two nights ago showed me clearly how real my delusions appear, and as much as this revelation has made me determent to continue on this path into the unknown, it also has revealed to me that I am up against Goliath; my own vivid imagination:
I currently reside in a two storey house in the middle of Reykjavik. The house is built into a hillside, so one enters directly the upper floor from the street, whereas the ‘basement’ – in which I live – has direct access into the garden. I am the only one living in the house but during the daytime students from the Acting and Film Academy use the upper floor for rehearsals.
Two nights ago a heavy storm rages over the capital – which did not bother me as I am known to sleep through most things – but this time I am awakened around 4am by the most frightful noise; there is someone on the upper floor smashing the place to pieces. I hear glass being broken, furniture being banged around, and heavy footsteps on the wooden floorboards. A couple of times the entry door is flung open and shut again angrily, and then more glass brakes, and more furniture is moved around, and then someone begins to hammer heavily about.
It is clear to me that the person ravaging over my head is no regular burglar but someone gone totally crazy and most likely doped out of his mind. It is also clear to me that under no circumstances am I willing to confront this maniac and decide to call the police for the first time in my life, and then to escape via the garden.
I call the police, put on my heavy boots, rehears a few karate steps that I used to practice a few years ago, grab my laptop and head for the terrace door dressed in my white Indian pyjamas, only to find out that the lunatic has now entered the garden and is now frantically running across my only escape route.
Even though I have not yet gone hysterical I am more afraid than I have ever been, but I am glad to notice that I still am able to think straight; I wait till the madman has disappeared from the garden and then run for my life.
As I whiz past the house which adjoins the house I live in and in which the owner of ‘my’ house resides, I discover the ‘madman’ in a brightly lit garden shed, dressed also in pyjamas with his hair raised wildly to the heavens above and hammer in hand, and in that very instance everything becomes crystal clear to me; he, the owner of the house, a well known Icelandic actor, a big figure both in statue and character, is fixing a window which broke in the storm…
3 policemen arrive a few moments later and are kind enough to pet me gently on the shoulder as I tell them of my delusion with my heart still pounding wildly in my breast. They get out of the car and in a relaxed manner address the actor by name – who by now is again hammering around the broken window – asking if he needs assistance…
Oh gosh oh golly…. the embarrassment of it all!
However, my fear was real and I did not overreact; I live alone in this house and students are not supposed to be here in the middle of the night. Therefore my assumptions were somewhat logical, but that doesn’t change the fact that the reality was totally different to what I thought that is was.
As I was putting on my heavy boots preparing to fight whatever might come I remember thinking I should rather calm myself and try and rise above the vibration that was threatening me in this very moment – but fear leaves no room for real practical methods unless one has deeply ingrained these in ones being.
I know it is possible to change all and any situation instantly by merely resisting not the situation. Even situations that are a real threat. But that requires disregarding all concepts of duality – a thing I am only just beginning to practice, yet eagerly so as I lately have been able to change things, small things, things that are ‘problematic’, by simply focusing upon and accepting the wholeness of that thing.
I love this recent experience. It has revealed so much about myself, my fears, my delusions, and also about the grandest version of the greatest vision ever I held about who I Am.
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On a more ‘normal’ note; a beautiful new mountain has been born in the latest volcanic eruption here in Iceland (see image above).
Bienvenu!
I know that I would have done the same, but only more. Hit the guy over the head from behind.
Talk about scary. Great story-telling. Wanted to eat popcorn as the excitement grew more and more. Detached? Uninvolved? Equinimity?
All go out the window when one is frightened. Unless you’re a Bodhisattva. Or a saint.
Both could be good martyrs.
Think I’d just call the cops and then seek a calm within.
michael j
Hey Snædís! Wow, what an experience. I can totally relate, and I think you did the right thing in calling the police, even if it turned out to be your neighbor. Inner wisdom can operate right through fear, and what you did seemed very wise.
If I might add a suggestion, I totally grok where you are coming from when you talk about “merely resisting not the situation.” I think we really have to be present, to be there, to see what’s really gone on. When people resist the situation in terms of denial of what’s there, they always react, instead of act skillfully, and usually misread the situation and what is appropriate.
But, I would also keep in mind what my hear teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, says: “”Nonviolence does not mean non-action. Nonviolence means we act with love and compassion.” I think it would be a mistake to translate “non-resistance” to non-action. And especially as we are learning true presence, we should also be cultivating other skills of awakening, like discernment and right discrimination. I think one of the traps (in my opinion) of the non-dual thing, is that it can lead to passivity and inaction in the face of harm and wrong doing.
I think Gandhi “got” the non-dual thing to a very significant degree, and yet, look at his active non-violent action! Of course, the further along the path to absolute presence (I prefer “presence” to the phrase “non-dual” most of the time) we are able to do remarkable things without “doing anything.” I think of how the Buddhas is said to have stop that raging elephant with his loving, compassionate presence, and I have seen in my own life how the presence of great compassion and love has literally stopped violence in its tracks in street confrontations. (But, there will be times in the street to run like hell — that too is an expression of wisdom.)
Anyway, hope you don’t mind my sharing this. I think your healing of that pains is a bright and shining “finger pointing at the moon” and that we can do far more with metta, with loving-kindness, and insight, than we now can imagine, to heal ourselves and others.
My two bits, from a friend.
Now, as for your volcano — wow! Have you seen these images?
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/04/more_from_eyjafjallajokull.html
Amazing! And you are there. I’m thinking seriously about doing a post on this at my Extreme Science blog.
Be safe, fellow traveler!
With deep metta,
Steve
What a story!
I think I probably would’ve called the police too… aren’t we so lucky when it’s just a case of misunderstanding. You are lucky.
Lucky that you turned it into a lesson of perception of understanding. Of seeing clearly.
Acting and reacting are very different creatures. You reacted to the situation. Understandably. But you followed it up with a clear, decisive action – to learn and understand why you reacted.
I’ve been in many dangerous situations, where things could’ve happened badly. But I’ve learned how to perceive the tiny bits of goodness in it and spread it around, turning a potential maelstrom into a congenial afternoon tea. I’m grateful for this gift. It’s kept me alive.
I don’t look for danger, but it finds me from time to time. And when it does, I never react to it.
It’s imperative to be confident in your awareness, in your perception and of your Self. Sounds to me like you’re one step closer to that.
Good for you. Thank you for sharing. I love your journey.
Dear michael j, dear Steve, dear Tina
Thank you all for your wise and witty and wonderful replies!
I haven’t been ignoring them (: unless I have :) but times have been busy, externally and internally and quite frankly I did not know when to say what…
There’s just been too much going on and that what has been going on has either been too simple or too complex to phrase…
However, the sole purpose of this blogsite of mine is to keep track of the process of my own journey, and your interactions have all enlivened and positively affected that very process.
For this I sincerely thank you…
Wishing you all the best!
Snædís
Hey Snædís, no problemo! I can barely keep up with my blogs, and FaceBook nowadays, and like you, often fall way behind.
I know you hold the comments, and us, in your heart, but the blog has to serve you, not vice versa.
All the best,
Steve